Saturday, January 31, 2009

An Unsettling Conversation Between Moses and the LORD over Serotonin, Locusts, and the state of the Pharoah's Heart

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up on the land of Egypt and eat every plant of the land, even all that the hail has left."

"But LORD," Moses replied, "The Pharaoh hath quelled the locusts, such that they no longer swarm."

"That's absurd," said the LORD.

And Moses shrugged his shoulders and stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all the night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.

And the locusts went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the borders of Egypt; very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.

For they did not swarm, nor did they cover the face of the whole earth so that the land was darkened; and they did not eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left; and... well you get the idea.

And the reason for this was the blocking of the Serotonin, the mechanism that excited the locusts and correlated to some degree with melancholy among the people, and thus the Pharoah's heart was not hardened, the eighth plague of Egypt was not terribly effective, the Red Sea did not part, etc.

And none of this made the LORD very happy.

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